My friends tell me I have a song for every situation. When I’m feeling a particular way or something notable happens, song lyrics just magically rise up from the depths of my brain that seem to fit the occasion perfectly.
Today, the country song “My Give a Damn’s Busted” popped into my head. This is particularly odd because I haven’t listened to country music in FOREVER, but nevertheless, there it was. And it fits how I’ve been feeling to a T. Ever since I posted last week on trying not to try, I’ve felt a huge shift. It’s as though I’d been carrying around a huge weight for as long as I can remember and I finally realized I could put it down. I feel free, whole, and alive. In short, I feel incredible. I’m not really sure what happened, but I think it had something to do with my intention to be more gentle with myself and just more easy going in general. For the first time in a long time, I feel okay just being myself. I don’t feel the need to impress other people or hide who I really am. I am who I am, and people can take it or leave it. My ‘give a damn’ is quite literally busted.
I know from past experience, though, that I’ll have to guard this newfound freedom carefully. Old habits die hard, and this nascent self assurance is still relatively fragile. Nevertheless, I’ll defend it with my life, because as I’m beginning to realize, my life depends on it. Without it, I am not really me. I’m a shadow of myself. It’s only when I give myself permission to just be, that I can realize my full potential.
Normally I’d be pretty upset if I broke something, especially if I didn’t intend to break it. But breaking my give a damn is the best thing I’ve ever done. Although now that I think about it, it probably didn’t break as much as it wore down from overuse, but that’s fine with me. I say good riddance. If you still have one laying around, I highly recommend you take a hammer to it as soon as you can.